Walking in Africa

It's been said that if you lose your story, you lose your dream, and when you lose your dream you lose the spirit. This is a story about dreams, not the sleeping dreams when we lay on our backs, but the awake dreams that we experience through our feet. In sharing this story with you, you will help me keep the spirit of peace alive and a dream of a more compassionate and healthier world for ourselves and for our children.

It's been sixteen years since I took my first step for peace. Since then I have walked through fifteen different countries and my feet have traveled over 23.000km, following another dream of walking to Japan. I want to be perfectly clear that there is a big distinction between dreams and goals. Goals are linear; the direction markers are set in stone and rarely deviate. Whereas dreams are more flexible and your guides will be the wind and the stars. One day in the far distant future I will arrive in Japan. This is not a linear journey, it is a journey of circles for this is how I see life. If there is a connecting line between these countries it is one decided by spirit, for each year spirit tells me which country I am to walk in. This then is the story of Africa, and my search for truth.

I love to walk, I love feeling the rhythm of my body as it melts with the trees, the mountains and the lakes. It's such an exhilarating feeling of being connected and "Plugged in " to life. But this day was different, I wasn't walking across the Rocky Mountains or the Alps, no not even across the Mojave desert. What I was actually doing was walking to work. Nevertheless I was plugged in, but in this case it was to my portable radio. There I was in Vancouver with two tiny speakers snuggled discretely in my ears shutting out the constant drone of traffic. I listened almost unconsciously to the eight o'clock news and as usual it was mostly depressing. "Ah, but what's that, a report from S. Africa?" Two blocks later, my head jerked towards the sky and tears streamed down my face for the news was about Steve Biko. Steve Biko, At 38, had become South Africa's leading anti-apartheid personality. The authorities feared him because of his work with the Black Consciousness Movement that he had founded and led. In Sept. of 1977, Biko was beaten into a coma in the Eastern Cape city of Port Elizabeth during interrogation by Security Police officers. When they couldn't revive him, they drove him 1,000km In a Land Rover to Pretoria, where he died two days later. The official news of Biko's death was that he had died from a hunger strike. The obvious state of his body denied this cover-up and later an inquest revealed he had indeed been beaten by security police officers. As usual for that time the investigation went no further and the culprits were never prosecuted. The tragedy disappeared along with thousands of other stories.

About ten years ago, I was in San Francisco. There was a new movie in town called "Cry for Freedom." This was Biko's story by Donald Woods a former editor who was banned in 1977 for publishing details of his death. I invited some friends to accompany me to the movie, two gentle Persian women with an uncanny way of melting my heart. We sat in silence during the movie, riveted to the screen, my hands feeling like two huge knots. Later, like three zombies, we filed silently out into the street. Then the most extraordinary thing happened. We found ourselves arguing with each other over where we should go for dinner. At one point we even suggested we all go off in separate directions. It was so bizarre. Here we were three close friends in front of the movie house yelling at each other. It wasn't until later that evening that we understood what had happened to us. The anger, the frustration, the inhumanity, and the destruction of this passionate man Steve Biko had stirred the fires within us. Since then, while walking, I have often felt deeply the pain and suffering created by how we treat each other and the planet. My sadness would sometimes erupt in intense anger, an energy inside that wanted to release. I've always felt that anger is an OK feeling, and that it's just what we do with it that is not always appropriate. One of my outlets for this anger was to listen on my walkperson to the song "Biko," Peter Gabriel's tribute to this inspiring man. As I listened, I would sing out at the top of my voice, crying out to the heavens and transforming the rage inside to determination and a will to continue my Pilgrimage. I found myself repeating like a mantra "Steve Biko, you will not be forgotten, your life was not in vain, you did make a difference."

There I was on February 8th.1997 almost twenty years since he died and the news was traveling around the world. Five men have applied to South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission to confess to the killing of Steve Biko. Ah yes, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. I have written about this before, and I also have a web page on how I see this Commission as a giant step forward in our world consciousness. With the end of Apartheid in 1994, Nelson Mandela and the ANC created the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and empowered it to investigate -- but not prosecute -- past human rights abuses, offering amnesty to offenders from across the political spectrum who confessed to crimes that were ruled to have been politically motivated. The Truth Commissioners, led by Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, has heard testimony from a number of high profile apartheid-era figures, including Generals, the former President and even Mandela's own political party. The concept of Truth and Reconciliation is certainly not ideal, with the surviving relatives of the tortured and murdered understandably demanding revenge. There is, in the process a price to pay, and in many circumstances' killers are being allowed to walk free. But how free will they be in the new South Africa that knows all about them? I believe it is a painful process of healing for all. Steve Biko's mother, Alice Biko, said shortly before her death last year: "Yes, I would forgive my son's killers. I am a Christian and we Christians do forgive. But first I must know who to forgive, which means I must be told fully what happened and why."

I think this quotation from Pepe Zalaquett sums it up for me.

"Although the truth cannot really in itself dispense justice, it does put an end to many a continued injustice -- it does not bring the dead back to life but it brings them out from silence; for the families of the "disappeared" the truth about their fate would mean at last the end to an agonizing, endless search."

You can blow out a candle But you can't blow out a fire.
Once the flames begin to catch, the wind will blow it higher
Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja
The man is dead
And the eyes of the world are watching now
Watching now

- Peter Gabriel

What was once a gentle whisper by spirit in my ear, "Walk in Africa" was now getting stronger. Paradoxically so was the voice in my head, this was the voice of fear and doubt and confusion. The voice was now saying "Africa? That's absurd, you don't have the money to go, in fact you are in debt from past walks, you have a private practice and client obligations. Then just to add a flavour of guilt to all of this, the voice reminded me Lin and I had just got married a month ago. Nevertheless the seed was sown, for all around me I was hearing stories that touched and opened my heart. Stories of a man, a young lawyer fighting the Apartheid system who lost his arm and had his face disfigured by a car bomb that was planted by the secret police. He said, "Years have passed since that day. I am now a judge and so in a position to take revenge for what has happened in my life. But you know in order to have revenge, I must assume the role of a victim. I am not a victim, I never was, and never will be a victim in my life. Therefore I advocate soft revenge, through full disclosure of the causes and extent of all violations that were committed during this time." A woman who tells her story of how her husband was repeatedly tortured and eventually murdered in jail. In the background was her seven-year-old son, a glazed look on his face as he stroked a picture of his dead father. She is asked, "Can you honestly forgive these people who committed such cowardly acts of terror upon you and your husband?" She answers slowly, "No i'm not ready to forgive yet, for it is still too painful. But I have been living a life of hatred for too long now. I have also been raising my child in this hatred and I need for it to stop. That is why I am here, to try and release the past so I can have a healthier future for my son and myself."

The stories that were coming out of Africa were endless; it is estimated that before the commission closes there will be more than 1,600 statements. There were thoughts feelings and questions swirling through my mind. How could these people be so wise and understanding, for I seriously doubt that I am capable of such forgiveness and understanding. It is one thing in the search for truth to forgive an individual, but for a nation to forgive? Are they talking about healing, instead of vengeance? For almost a year I saved and scrimped with the support of my wife Lin to earn money to walk in Africa. Unfortunately my efforts were not enough, but I was determined to not let go of my dream. Even with the unsolicited letters of support and donations of money I was still short of my plane fare. One day as I was fretting about my situation, there was a knock on the door. There on the doorstep was a letter, inside the letter was a miracle. The letter simply read, "Dear Derek please accept this donation to your walk for peace, all that I ask is that you keep this anonymous, my prayers and thoughts go with you." Inside was a check for a thousand dollars. It was surely a miracle for I had not asked for this support or even hinted to this person about my predicament.

The seed inside was germinated for it was not, will I go to Africa, but how will I go. I resolved that I would walk in order that I may speak to her people and say: I honour your unique and courageous process. I will listen to your stories and retell them in my country. I wish to learn from you in order that I may seek my own truth and personal reconciliation, heal my own inner conflicts.

I've heard that no one can visit Africa and remain indifferent to that country's problems. I would like to add to that "You cannot visit Africa and not be affected by its incredible beauty and the hope of a future of Peace". To this day I struggle with my impressions of Africa. I travelled to Africa in search of the shiny golden Holy Grail of one truth, and returned with a simple woven basket of many truths. In this basket are the truths from the TRC of the absolute horror and shameful past of its history of Apartheid perpetuated by the white power minority. The truths of the second and third generation farmers, whose farms are being are being ripped from them. The truths of the thousands of black people still living in townships in absolute poverty and degrading conditions. The truths of thousands of people who are spiritually healing the past and not just talking about. The truths about the alarming escalating violence, where overcrowded jails are being reinforced with boats with inmates on the water. The truths where finally black people are being introduced to the places of power. And the truth about reverse discrimination against the whites. And then the ultimate truth, that this is not about white and black it is about human consciousness. To understand the truth is to be closer to the story, take a risk and keep your heart open. I return only with my truth and stories to be told so that you may find your truth.